Sample Script - A Celebration of Hans Christian Andersen

(c) 2003 By Kim Williamson

A complete copy of this script is available online at www.christianplays.net
Do not perform, copy or distribute without prior permission

Cast: Can be performed with multiple doubling of roles. The first production had 16 actors playing the 33 characters.

About the show:In this wacky pantomime our hero Hans is trying to help his mother pay the unfair rent they owe to the landlord, a "dastardly" Lillian. The cruel Landlord, with the help and hindrance of his crazy off-siders, tries all sorts of mean tricks to get the money. Finally with the help of the plays other wonderful characters he realises his error and changes his evil ways.
This is a fun play for the whole family, and includes some well-known stories from Andersen, including The Ugly Duckling and The Emperors New Clothes.

Act One: Scene Three

Landlord
(Following on from previous scene) A check in the mail, he says. Hmmm, it had better be there....wait a minute...what is a cheque?(stops) Huh? I’ve been tricked! Right, two can play at that game. You may have bitten off more than you can chew, Mr Andersen. Cum! Goh! Where are you two? For goodness sake! Come here at once!

Cum Here I am, your evilness. What plots do you have for us, your indispensable dealers of all things bad?

Landlord The day you two become indispensable to me, is the day that I become an honest citizen. Now where is that idiot Goh?

Cum I’ll get him, shall I? (yells) GOH!!!!! THE BOSS WANTS YA!!!

Landlord (sarcastic) Thankyou, Cum. I could have done that myself.

Cum But I saved you the trouble - you see, indispensable.

Landlord Is that todays word-of-the-day, or something?

Cum It is actually, do you like it?(Goh enters)

Landlord Ah, you’re here at last. Where were you? I called ages ago.

Goh You said ‘Cum, here at once’

Landlord So why didn’t you?

Goh Because I’m Goh.

Landlord What?

Goh And you said Cum.

Landlord I said Come!

Goh Exactly. And I’m Goh.

Cum I think the problem here....

Goh Goh, y’see, not Cum.

Cum ...is that you, Sir, said Come....

Goh He’s Cum.

Cum C-o-m-e. Come.....

Goh And I’m Goh.

Cum But he thought you meant Cum.

Goh See? Goh. Me.

Cum C-u-m. (pause) Me.(both smile at each other, satisfied)

Landlord (stunned) What??

Cum & Goh He’s Cum....he’s Goh...your mistake (etc)

Landlord Stop! Enough of this.....distraction! (calms) Now, I have a job for you two dimwits.

Cum (to Goh) Indispensable, see?

Landlord Will you be quiet! Now, that Andersen boy...

Goh He tells some great stories.

Cum Did you hear the one he told the other night at the inn?

Goh About the soldier?

Cum Lovely story that.

Goh That boy’s got talons.

Cum I think you mean talent.

Goh Yeah, he’ll go far. Make his Mum proud.

Cum Nice lady.

Landlord Will you two babbling brooks shut your traps for a moment. Andersen is trying to swindle me - trick me out of my money. I won’t have it.

Goh No, you won’t if he has tricked you out of it. Horrible kid.

Cum Never liked him. And as for his mother.....

Landlord (glares at him) So I want you to ‘deal with him’ if you know what I mean.(BOO)

Goh What, kill him?

Landlord Good grief, no! Just...y’know, rough him up a bit. Threaten him. That sort of thing. Y’know, the stuff ruffians like you do. Now go.

Goh Yes?

Landlord Go!

Goh Yes?

Landlord Come on! Go!

Goh Yes?

Cum Yes?

Landlord For goodness sake! Who gave you two such ridiculous names?

Goh Our dear departed Mother.

Cum She had a bad memory, and being as we are identical twins, it seemed an easy solution to a complex problem.

Goh She said she never knew if she was coming or going.(both laugh) Coming or going, get it?

Cum Coming or going! We had some laughs, didn’t we?(pause)

Landlord Right. Anyway, you know what you have to do, so off you....just leave.

Goh Come on.

Cum Let’s go.(they exit)

Landlord So, Mr Andersen, you think you’re so smart? You’ll never get the better of me. Because I’m one step ahead of you, hehehe.

(BOO exit)

Lights go down. End of Scene.

Sample Script - Hans Christian Andersen

(c) 2003 By Kim Williamson

A complete copy of this script is available online at www.christianplays.net
Do not perform, copy or distribute without prior permission